plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize