fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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