I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
