another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
