He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
