yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
