Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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