why didn't you poke me back
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
