i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You're breaking my sexual little heart
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
