I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
