Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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