I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Randomize
