I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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