Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
