Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
