tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Did I show you my penis last night?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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