I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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