What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
