He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
