Will you blow on my dice?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
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