why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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