You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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