i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
