Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
