i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
