Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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