yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
