Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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