I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
