Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
