i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
