Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
