i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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