Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
