its not stalking. its research.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
