So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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