hotel room ftw
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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