I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
