What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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