Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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