your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We left the knife in your bed.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
