I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
