i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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