And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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