We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize