i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
