operation harelip BJ is a go
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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