remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
