My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
