The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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