I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
