Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
