Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
