hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
