we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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