..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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