my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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