I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
