Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
