OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
