i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
