Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
