I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
