The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
